Friendship: A Two-Player Game

Today, someone publicly called me his friend. Something about it felt off. Could friendship be declared unilaterally? Is it something one person bestows upon another?

Friendship is necessarily a two-player game. Like dance, like music, like trust, it cannot exist in solitude. You cannot be friends with someone who does not acknowledge you as such. And yet, we often speak of friendship as though it were an individual virtue—something we extend, or give. But this framing is flawed.

Friendship is not something you offer, like a gift. It is something you build together, like a bridge that cannot stand unless both sides are anchored. At its core, it requires mutuality—two people choosing, implicitly or explicitly, to meet in the middle. Or Around the Table.

Friendship also depends on respect and shared recognition of values. Respect ensures the relationship remains balanced and genuine. Without it, what seems like friendship can easily slip into manipulation, or convenience.

Recognition of values is just as crucial. This doesn’t mean agreeing on everything—friends often challenge each other—but rather aligning on what each person finds important. It is the difference between a passing acquaintance and a bond that endures.

This is why unreciprocated friendships feel hollow. To say someone is your friend when they do not see you the same way is a category error—like calling a mirror a window. Friendship cannot be imposed or maintained through sheer will. It must be lived, reinforced through shared moments and an ongoing exchange of care and trust.

Just as beauty emerges from the interplay between subject and observer—something seen, felt, and affirmed between two perspectives—friendship arises only when two people recognize and respect each other in a particular way. It is not a state of being but a shared act, a dynamic, a rhythm. And it always takes two to tango.